I'm not a sports fan, but I generally enjoy the Super Bowl. This year, I didn't.

Super Bowl LIII was boring and I don’t just say that because I’m not a sports fan.

I once had a seven-year streak of watching the big game, even though I had no interest in watching football — the Super Bowl was generally my one sports viewing of the year — and I found the joys in the game where I could.

Sure, there are the commercials and there’s barbecue, but the narrative is a value, too.It’s important to have somebody to root for and a story to tell. The moment I’m keyed into a story taking place, a balance being fought between two teams, I’m in.

Super Bowl XLII had the 18-0 New England Patriots against New York Giants. The Patriots left the game 18-1. The San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens stressed through the power outage of XLVII.

Sometimes, the narrative was just the fact that I was up watching the game, while living overseas, staying up past 2 a.m. to livestream a vicious battle between two opposing forces, scoring back and forth.

Super Bowl LIII had nobody to root for, nothing much to get excited about.

One commentator noted that the Los Angeles Rams had run the ball on the first down the past four times — this was followed by the fifth attempt, quickly shut down.

There were so many punts and kicks that I thought a kicker or punter would be named Super Bowl MVP, but I was told that the kickers generally don’t receive the MVP trophy.

I’m still wondering what Julian Edelman did to deserve an award when he scored fewer points than Stephen Gostkowski did.

I looked up the kicker’s name. It’s not as if liking sports is an easy thing to get into.

Nearly every time I try to get into the conversation, there’s somebody saying I don’t know enough players on one team or that I can’t really like some sport because I haven’t memorized the difference between the incredibly obscure positions.

Even with my limited knowledge, I know that it’s frustrating to go three quarters without a touchdown. Two teams go back and forth with no resolution.

A kick goes wide. An interception gets the Rams nowhere, because they’re soon kicking the ball back the other way.

Finally the Rams get close to scoring, and the quarterback throws an interception. It was a vicious cycle.

Even the commercials were weak — for the most part — and the halftime show was lackluster.

What happened to “Sweet Victory” from SpongeBob SquarePants?

There was no moment to mirror David Tyree’s — whom I confused for Plaxico Burress — classic helmet catch.

I still remember the moment, but even without it, a couple more points would’ve been appreciated.

No safeties, no onside kicks, no big moments and no narratives.

Brady believed he was an underdog going into the game — I read the quote in The New Yorker — and the TV couldn’t stop spouting everything he’s done.

But, on Feb. 3, he and the other players didn’t do anything that made the Super Bowl the one game worth watching.

SportsBenjamin WallinComment