Double take:

advice for students by students

Submit a question to the Double Take team via Google Form on The Ticker's Facebook page, or email doubletake@theticker.org.

Disclaimer: It is up to The Ticker's discretion whether or not to publish certain questions. Additionally, the use of this column is strictly informational. The Ticker is not trying to replace to any legal, medical, or professional consultation, and we do not claim to be so.

If you are having serious concerns at school or in life, we recommend you reach out to the Baruch Counseling Center at 646-312-2155.

 
 

Dear Double Take:

My best friend started dating the guy I like and she knew that I liked him but she still pursued it. I want to be happy for them, but we are distancing and I don't know how to handle the situation without there being an awkward tension between all of us. I'm not the type to let a guy come between our friendship, but it still hurts. What do I do?

Talk to her. I know its hard, but there are ways to go about telling someone the they are hurting you without being accusatory. Sometimes even your closest friends don’t know what you’re going through unless you tell them. Plus, you have nothing to gain by holding in the way you feel. In situations like this, it is important to put yourself first. I would also advise you to evaluate the authenticity of this person’s friendship. If this person knew of your feelings, then they chose to disregard them. On the flip side, it is important to remember that people are not property. Just because you had feelings for this person does not mean that the feeling was mutual. Perhaps when your friend pursued this person they felt a connection. The benefit of the doubt may be needed here.

Either way, say what is on your mind and give yourself the space you need until you can be happy for them. Put yourself first.

E. Daar

Consider having a discussion with your friend during which you can tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. The goal is to see how she reacts to your pain as you described, not to see if she’ll make a choice between you and the guy. If she cares for your feelings as much as she cares about you as a friend, she will likely welcome this discussion even if she has a hard time accepting to do so at first. It’s important to take into account that your friend has feelings for the person she started dating, so be sure to make an effort to avoid making her feel as though she has to make a choice between you and her new partner, even if the relationship is in its early stages. While it may be difficult to consider your friend’s feelings when yours are hurt, doing so is for the best and will lead to a more productive and effective conversation.





J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How to effectively get over an ex and let go? I'm having trouble imagining myself in a relationship if he isn't the person and I worry this will hold me back from trying and finding someone else.


Volume 115, Issue 6

Spring 2019

Time is the key to getting over anything, especially when the thing to get over is a past relationship. When you date someone, you share a lot of your life and yourself with them; you create new memories and associations related to them. It takes time to forge a new life in which that person is no longer present. I know right now it may seem like everywhere you look there is something that reminds of your ex. The more time you spend doing things you love with people you love (friends and family), the faster you’ll be able to move on. The more you experience life without them, the clearer it will become to you that you will live. You can get past the immediate heartbreak. The wound just need some time to heal.

E. Daar

Some traits or characteristics led you to committing to a relationship with another person, and, chances are, no one else matches those traits in the same way. While getting past the aspects of a relationship that you really enjoyed can be difficult, try viewing the future as a story of new experiences rather than one of leaving behind old ones. No one will be the same as the person you were with. This fact can be an exciting opportunity to learn more about yourself and continue in your personal growth. Recognize what drew you to your ex, what ended the relationship and, most importantly, how you felt throughout. These points can serve you well in figuring out how you should approach moving on. By keeping in mind your own feelings, you can take time to focus on developing your being comfortable with yourself, which is essential to do before attempting to be comfortable with someone else in your life.

J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How does the average college student manage their time between schoolwork, a job, figuring out their career after college, self-care, and maintaining relationships? Because I’m struggling with that now more than ever.


Volume 115, Issue 5

Spring 2019

Categorizing your priorities. Most of us have no choice but to work while we study, so work and school are constants. Self-care is in that category, too, because you can never “start” or “stop” caring for yourself. These are constant. Figuring out your career is something that happens and then it is over. When sending out applications you might have to skim a little off of school, work, and even self-care in order to find balance but then it's over and life goes on. Maintaining relationships is a much more complicated. I could go on but for the sake of the word count: Relationships are two-way streets. There will be times when you cannot see a person, but there will also be days when you are entirely dedicated to them. The question is really are they a priority? If so, what do you sacrifice and what do they sacrifice for you?

E. Daar

Tools like Google Calendar and Todoist can be extremely useful in organizing the tasks that come up for a busy college student. However, the most impactful step you can make in managing your time isn’t color-coding a planner or creating a tight schedule for yourself; it’s cutting out time-wasting activities from your life. Try keeping track of how much time you spend on actions like cooking, checking email, and using social media to determine which ones are really necessary for success. It’s also important to take a long-term approach to reaching goals. There’s a common phrase that goes, “Most people overestimate what they can do in a day, but underestimate what they can do in a year.” Replacing time-wasting activities based on consumption with developmental ones based on creativity can lead to really great learning opportunities that can serve as more productive breaks from everyday work.



J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

Can exes be friends?


Volume 115, Issue 4

Spring 2019

In general, exes can be friends. However, it depends on the nature of the relationship and how the relationship ended. If a relationship was founded on friendship, then there is a very good chance the parties of that relationship will still be friends if they can find a middle ground. The biggest factor that hinder exes being friends is stubbornness. If both parties can maintain respect for each other, then there is no reason they cannot be friends. I am not saying they have to be the best of friends, but there is a civility that can be conserved. Every relationship is different and ends for different reasons. If the relationship ended poorly, it is understandable to be upset, but it is better not to hold on to those feelings. It is not necessary to be friends, but it is important to maintain rationality.

H. Shah

How do we decide who to call our friends? What traits and personality types do we look for in the people we surround ourselves with? Chances are a person had a few characteristics that someone was attracted to when they started dating, and it’s totally possible that they still have them even after breaking up. It’s also possible that they’ve really changed. Continuing to want to spend time with someone who makes you happy isn’t unreasonable, even if the nature of your relationship is dramatically different. I think it would be strange to spend a lot of time with someone while “dating,” only to avoid them after ending the official relationship. Breakups can be messy, but both people involved still have emotions that can’t be easily ignored. What’s important is that both partners are honest with each other and with themselves as to whether or not they are okay with the shift in their relationship.


J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How do I get an internship if I don’t have much on my resume?


Volume 115, Issue 3

Spring 2019

Molding yourself into the well rounded person you want to see reflected in your resume is far more beneficial than any embellishing you could possibly do. Despite my convictions on the matter, I know I can’t just leave you with “do more” so I asked Heather Shah, an employee at Baruch’s STARR career center to weigh in as well.

“Add a supplement section that is relative to [the employer] and add character through an interest column. Also, try strategically bolding information to make the important facts on your resume standout," she said. Believe it or not resumes that are well put together are not as common as you might think. A strategic resume will get you in the door and your experience will carry you through the interview. You got this! Good luck!

E. Daar

While I do think that who you know is more important than what you know, having expertise or heavy knowledge on a particular subject will allow you to take full advantage of your interaction with a contact that can lead to an internship. Personally, all of the experience I’ve gained in the past years has been the result of a chance connection that led to an interesting internship. I recommend you ask yourself how you can provide value to an organization or company, then attend as many networking sessions or employer events as possible to reflect your value onto possible recruiters. Consider what you’re good at and what you enjoy, then figure out how to show the world that you’re good at it. Maybe start a project of your own! Develop your online presence and personal brand as much as possible so you’re not scrambling when an opportunity does come your way.




J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

I know I need some form of counseling because my mental health has been poor lately, but I'm too afraid to go to the counseling center.


Volume 115, Issue 2

Spring 2019

First and foremost, thank you for reaching out. Being honest with yourself is the most important thing here and it is definitely a step in the right direction regarding your mental health. Now regarding your question, I highly recommend grabbing a friend you trust and having them come with you to the counseling center. Accountability is everything. Sometimes it is just easier to do things when we know someone else is counting on us. Alternatively, the counseling center is not your only option. Your insurance can help you find affordable care that may be less daunting. Plus, we’re living in the future! There are therapy apps that employ licensed professionals to talk with you via a messenger system. Regardless of what you choose to do, always keep in mind that you deserve to be mentally healthy. You can do this.

E. Daar

It can be extremely difficult for us to open up to others about issues we’re facing, especially when those issues are ones in mental health that we can’t fully understand. Figuring ourselves out is tough, and communicating what we need help with to someone else can certainly be nerve-racking. While talking to a new person about your mental health may seem intimidating, it’s important to remember that the counselors at the counseling center are professionals trained to listen to you objectively and without any bias. Try considering why you feel afraid. If you can figure out exactly what your fears are, you can determine whether or not they are rational and how they can be addressed. Taking the first step in getting help is always the most difficult, though following through with the process is almost always worth it.




J. Tineo