Double takE:

advice for students by students



 
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Disclaimer: It is up to The Ticker's discretion whether or not to publish certain questions. Additionally, the use of this column is strictly informational. The Ticker is not trying to replace to any legal, medical, or professional consultation, and we do not claim to be so.

If you are having serious concerns at school or in life, we recommend you reach out to the Baruch Counseling Center at 646-312-2155.

 
 

Dear Double
Take:

How do you tackle a bunch of assigned readings while maintaining a social life?

Balancing schoolwork and a social life is a common struggle among college students. With that said, one solution could be asking classmates or people in your social circle to meet up and study. In a study group you get to spend time with people while still getting the work done. If study groups don’t work for you, try getting a planner. A planner may seem cliché but it works well as a platform for you to budget your time with. If you schedule a part of each day for schoolwork and work efficiently during that time block you should have more than enough free time to be the social animal you’re meant to be. It’s important to realize that discipline is necessary in order to use the planner properly. You have to be able to refer to it at least once a day and then work as efficiently as possible in a specific time frame you set for yourself. By using a planner you’ll learn self discipline and organization skills while also maintaining a social life. I think that’s a win win.

R. Nguessan

If you commute to school like most students do here, there is no more efficient way to get readings done than to do them on your way to and from class. A student who travels between 30 and 40 minutes to and from school can get a lot of reading done when doing so four times a week. An added benefit is that there usually aren’t many distractions on the train or bus so you can focus on your work. I had plenty of time to go out with friends during my first year at Baruch since I used multitasked and used my commuting time to take care of required class readings.









J. Hernandez


Dear Double
Take:

How can I avoid the massive crowds during the day?

Volume 116, issue 2

Fall 2019

Massive crowds are a tricky thing to avoid because everyone needs to go to class at about the same times during the day. Even if you don’t have class during the busy hours you might arrive when everyone is leaving which could be even worse. The majority of classes between 1:00-5:00 p.m. typically generate these crowds. There are a few ways to go about avoiding them. You can totally avoid registering for a class around those times, though I would say that’s a drastic approach. You can also come earlier so you’re situated and in an advantageous spot to both go to class and leave discreetly. This is what I would advise so you avoid the elevator struggle you’re bound to encounter dealing with day classes. The crowds are an unfortunate side effect of a commuter school with a small campus but that’s just how it is. By the nature of the question I'll assume you’re new to Baruch. If so, welcome!

R. Nguessan

The overwhelmed elevators and escalators are usually the causes of the huge crowds of people on campus since there are just too many students trying to use them at once. To help in keeping the halls clear, avoid taking the elevator to or from the fifth floor to go down unless you absolutely have to. Using the elevators from there will without a doubt slow you and all of the other students down. When heading downstairs I always use a staircase, get off on the third floor and take the escalator down the rest of the way from there if you need to stay in the building. You can also take staircase J straight to the second floor. If you’re exiting the building just take the stairs all the way down and out into the street. There are multiple staircases throughout the building, making them the most convenient routes around.



J. Hernandez


Dear Double
Take:

How do you know when to let go of a relationship?

Volume 115, Summer issue

Summer 2019

If you are questioning whether or not to let go of a relationship, I believe that is a sign that you are ready to move on. However, it is important that you reflect on your relationship to understanding the reasoning as to why you are ready to move on. By exerting emotional intelligence, you will be able to understand yourself more and better inform your decisions in future relationships. People often stay in relationships even though they are not fully satisfied for reasons such as guilt, pressure or loneliness. Some keys aspects to reflect on in your relationship are compatibility, goals, interests, humor, values and communication. If the answers are different to your expectations or wants then you are ready to move on. However, if you find that you are happy, then I would talk to your partner to smooth over any doubts you may have. 

H. Shah

Before we discuss when to let go of a relationship, I’d just like to say as a disclaimer that relationships are not always going to be in the “honeymoon phase." They have their ups and downs so be aware of that and make sure that isn’t the case here and that it is more. Now here are telltale signs it’s time to let go: you will want to talk to them less, the relationship will feel like more of a daily chore than something that brings you or your partner happiness. Perhaps even interest in another could have sparked the decline of the relationship. If any of these signs are the case, as unfortunate as it is, it is time for a mature conversation with your significant other about how you want to proceed. As you are dealing with the feelings of another proceed with caution and make sure to express your feelings in a non aggressive or insensitive way.

R. Nguessan


Dear Double
Take:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I was different. The boys at recess used to make fun of me. Then I realized in my late teens while talking to other boys my age that I simply wasn’t attracted to movie stars such as Jennifer Lopez and Megan Fox. My favorite was Mel Gibson. Once I got to college, I realized I’m gay. I’m not sure how to tell my Church’s youth group.

Volume 115, Issue 12

Spring 2019

There is no good time and there is no right way. The best you can do is remind yourself of some core values. Remember that if these people are your friends, they will understand and accept you for who you are. Remember that being gay is valid and authentic and anyone who does not agree is not the kind of person you want to be around. Sometimes people need time to process when things change but that is on them and not you. The best you can do is prepare yourself and know that you are enough irregardless of how your church group reacts.

E. DAAR

Coming out is never easy. While churches are usually not known for being accepting environments for people in your situation, the young people in your group might be more open than you’d expect. It’s probably worth opening up to one friend you trust and moving from there. They can provide you with the support you need while providing you with help from the perspective of someone who is already familiar with the people in your youth group. While it’s likely that people will accept the same you that they know and love, you should still prepare for this not being the case. It’s no secret that some are not accepting of gay people though, chances are, these aren’t people you’d really want to be friends with anyways. Start slow when opening up to others. Hope for the best but be ready for the worst, never forgetting your self-worth.

j. tineo


Dear Double Take:

Why is our generation more focused on the hookup culture rather than relationships?

Volume 115, Issue 11

Spring 2019

Hookup culture has always been present but the way in which we search for sexual partners has radically changed. Advances in technology have made it safer, less anonymous and easier to cruise for sex, which is why it is now a lot more common. Perhaps the reason why our generation is so focused on hook up culture is because this streamlined access is new and exciting. Or maybe it’s just the age we’re in. The average age in which this generation “settles down” as been raised significantly due to lack of financial security. If we’re settling down farther along the line, we’re seriously dating farther down the line, but that doesn’t mean we’re not still craving human connection. For many ethical, hook up culture can satisfy that desire. And anyway, who is to say what a relationship is anymore.

E. Daar

Do you use Snapchat? Snapchat is built for sending photos that, after viewing, completely disappear. The platform has over 150 million daily users. I mention these because I think they’re indicative that a lot of people in our generation like things that move fast. This includes the dating world. However, “a lot” of people does not mean all people. There are many young people who do not like the ideas that hookup culture promotes, whether due to prior experiences or personal reasons. If you’re looking for people with these ideas, I’d recommend you simply keep looking as they’re certainly out there and usually looking for like-minded people. You’ll find someone soon if that’s what your intention is, though don’t be discouraged by the differences in opinions about dating since they don’t result in inherently wrong principles.

J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How do I excel a club life at Baruch?

Volume 115, Issue 10

Spring 2019

This one is simple. Talk to people and know what clubs are offering food at what time. People will connect you with other people from other clubs and you can bounce around like that until you find a place that feels right for you. Use food as a guide. If they regularly cater meetings, consider yourself set for life. Your wallet and your stomach will thank you. I really am being serious about this. It is one thing to be a part of club life, and it is another thing to excel within it. Whether you are looking to accrue an executive board position or really just want to be a part of something that isn’t all academic all the time, it is important that you do not settle for clubs where you feel as if you do not belong. In summation, talk to everyone and eat everything. Eventually you will find your way.

e. Daar

If we consider excellence in club life to be the impact or the legacy left on the organization, there is a lot of value in excelling in a club. Student organizations provide leadership opportunities that can lead to developing practical skills for future workplaces. Serving as marketing director of a student organization can provide you with working experience in developing social media content, creating advertisements and managing newsletters - all skills that can be useful to future employers. To get the most out of your time in a student club, think about how one might approach your role if you were in an independent company outside of school . What kind of work do the best businesses do that leads to their success? How can you emulate it on campus? Don’t be afraid to experiment since that’s what college is for.

J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How do I get out of the friendzone?

Volume 115, Issue 9

Spring 2019

If you feel that you are in the friendzone, it is important that you take the time to think of why. If the person you are pursuing makes it evident that they do not feel the same way, you should take that into consideration and respect their feelings. I understand that it can be discouraging to feel as though your feelings are not being reciprocated, but it would do more harm than good to your relationship if you force your feelings onto someone. However, if you are unsure about how to move forward, then it would be best to have an open and honest conversation with your potential partner about your feelings. It is important to respect their feelings, but it is just as important to be honest about your own feelings. Therefore, if you understand that there is an equal possibility of rejection as well as success, I would talk to them about how you are feeling while being mindful about their thoughts.

H. Shah

Having feelings for someone who doesn’t reciprocate them can certainly be frustrating. However, it’s super important to remember that every friendship is a two-way street. You won’t ever be able to get out of the friendzone if the person you’re into doesn’t have any feelings toward you, and sometimes you’ll just have to accept that. There’s nothing anyone can do to make someone else suddenly fall in love with them. If you think that the person has some feelings for you, it may be worth trying to bring them out with care. There’s no convincing to be done, and there shouldn’t be persuasion. The goal is to have the person come to the decision on their own to take your relationship to a different level. Show that you’re worth dating simply by being nice, though it is imperative that you respect their decisions.


J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

All the organizations at Baruch seem so clique-oriented. How do you penetrate that and make new friends?

Volume 115, Issue 8

Spring 2019

The best way to get to know the different clubs at Baruch is by showing up to their events or reaching out to the e-board personally either on their facebook or via email. I understand it can be overwhelming to approach a club whose members you have no prior connection to, but if you are able to muster up the courage to engage with them, the pay-off will be worth it. Generally, when you are able to connect with a group of people with similar interests, your school experience improves. It provides a safe space on campus for you to network as well as socialize. Every semester, Baruch holds up a club fair where a majority of the clubs are recruiting new members. Often enough, you can see organizations tabling on the second-floor lobby during club hours. Baruch has over 100 clubs on campus to take advantage of. Therefore with a little proactivity I am sure you will be able to find a group you identify with.

H. Shah

On-campus clubs and events are definitely a great way to meet new people! However, as with nearly any social group, being new can seem intimidating. The perceived difficulties one can encounter with fitting in to a club are nearly the same as those faced when trying to get along with any group of friends since most club members are quite close. While some groups may seem more like cliques than public clubs, you’ll likely find with a bit of effort that they’re more than willing to pursue similar interests with you. Most clubs and organizations are almost always looking to grow and expand their membership. By showing continued interest in events and goals of the clubs, you can demonstrate to other members that you want to not only meet new people, but contribute to the mission of the organization.


J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

My best friend started dating the guy I like and she knew that I liked him but she still pursued it. I want to be happy for them, but we are distancing and I don’t know how to handle the situation without there being an awkward tension between all of us. I’m not the type to let a guy come between our friendship, but it still hurts. What do I do?

Volume 115, Issue 7

Spring 2019

Talk to her. I know its hard, but there are ways to go about telling someone the they are hurting you without being accusatory. Sometimes even your closest friends don’t know what you’re going through unless you tell them. Plus, you have nothing to gain by holding in the way you feel. In situations like this, it is important to put yourself first. I would also advise you to evaluate the authenticity of this person’s friendship. If this person knew of your feelings, then they chose to disregard them. On the flip side, it is important to remember that people are not property. Just because you had feelings for this person does not mean that the feeling was mutual. Perhaps when your friend pursued this person they felt a connection. The benefit of the doubt may be needed here.

Either way, say what is on your mind and give yourself the space you need until you can be happy for them. Put yourself first.

E. Daar

Consider having a discussion with your friend during which you can tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. The goal is to see how she reacts to your pain as you described, not to see if she’ll make a choice between you and the guy. If she cares for your feelings as much as she cares about you as a friend, she will likely welcome this discussion even if she has a hard time accepting to do so at first. It’s important to take into account that your friend has feelings for the person she started dating, so be sure to make an effort to avoid making her feel as though she has to make a choice between you and her new partner, even if the relationship is in its early stages. While it may be difficult to consider your friend’s feelings when yours are hurt, doing so is for the best and will lead to a more productive and effective conversation.



J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How to effectively get over an ex and let go? I’m having trouble imagining myself in a relationship if he isn’t the person and I worry this will hold me back from trying and finding someone else.

Volume 115, Issue 6

Spring 2019

Time is the key to getting over anything, especially when the thing to get over is a past relationship. When you date someone, you share a lot of your life and yourself with them; you create new memories and associations related to them. It takes time to forge a new life in which that person is no longer present. I know right now it may seem like everywhere you look there is something that reminds of your ex. The more time you spend doing things you love with people you love (friends and family), the faster you’ll be able to move on. The more you experience life without them, the clearer it will become to you that you will live. You can get past the immediate heartbreak. The wound just need some time to heal.


E. Daar

Some traits or characteristics led you to committing to a relationship with another person, and, chances are, no one else matches those traits in the same way. While getting past the aspects of a relationship that you really enjoyed can be difficult, try viewing the future as a story of new experiences rather than one of leaving behind old ones. No one will be the same as the person you were with. This fact can be an exciting opportunity to learn more about yourself and continue in your personal growth. Recognize what drew you to your ex, what ended the relationship and, most importantly, how you felt throughout. These points can serve you well in figuring out how you should approach moving on. By keeping in mind your own feelings, you can take time to focus on developing your being comfortable with yourself, which is essential to do before attempting to be comfortable with someone else in your life.

J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How does the average college student manage their time between schoolwork, a job, figuring out their career after college, self-care, and maintaining relationships? Because I’m struggling with that now more than ever.

Volume 115, Issue 5

Spring 2019

Categorizing your priorities. Most of us have no choice but to work while we study, so work and school are constants. Self-care is in that category, too, because you can never “start” or “stop” caring for yourself. These are constant. Figuring out your career is something that happens and then it is over. When sending out applications you might have to skim a little off of school, work, and even self-care in order to find balance but then it's over and life goes on. Maintaining relationships is a much more complicated. I could go on but for the sake of the word count: Relationships are two-way streets. There will be times when you cannot see a person, but there will also be days when you are entirely dedicated to them. The question is really are they a priority? If so, what do you sacrifice and what do they sacrifice for you?

E. DAar

Tools like Google Calendar and Todoist can be extremely useful in organizing the tasks that come up for a busy college student. However, the most impactful step you can make in managing your time isn’t color-coding a planner or creating a tight schedule for yourself; it’s cutting out time-wasting activities from your life. Try keeping track of how much time you spend on actions like cooking, checking email, and using social media to determine which ones are really necessary for success. It’s also important to take a long-term approach to reaching goals. There’s a common phrase that goes, “Most people overestimate what they can do in a day, but underestimate what they can do in a year.” Replacing time-wasting activities based on consumption with developmental ones based on creativity can lead to really great learning opportunities that can serve as more productive breaks from everyday work.

J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

Can exes be friends?

Volume 115, Issue 4

Spring 2019

In general, exes can be friends. However, it depends on the nature of the relationship and how the relationship ended. If a relationship was founded on friendship, then there is a very good chance the parties of that relationship will still be friends if they can find a middle ground. The biggest factor that hinder exes being friends is stubbornness. If both parties can maintain respect for each other, then there is no reason they cannot be friends. I am not saying they have to be the best of friends, but there is a civility that can be conserved. Every relationship is different and ends for different reasons. If the relationship ended poorly, it is understandable to be upset, but it is better not to hold on to those feelings. It is not necessary to be friends, but it is important to maintain rationality.

H. Shah

How do we decide who to call our friends? What traits and personality types do we look for in the people we surround ourselves with? Chances are a person had a few characteristics that someone was attracted to when they started dating, and it’s totally possible that they still have them even after breaking up. It’s also possible that they’ve really changed. Continuing to want to spend time with someone who makes you happy isn’t unreasonable, even if the nature of your relationship is dramatically different. I think it would be strange to spend a lot of time with someone while “dating,” only to avoid them after ending the official relationship. Breakups can be messy, but both people involved still have emotions that can’t be easily ignored. What’s important is that both partners are honest with each other and with themselves as to whether or not they are okay with the shift in their relationship.

J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

How do I get an internship if I don’t have much on my resume?

Volume 115, Issue 3

Spring 2019

Molding yourself into the well rounded person you want to see reflected in your resume is far more beneficial than any embellishing you could possibly do. Despite my convictions on the matter, I know I can’t just leave you with “do more” so I asked Heather Shah, an employee at Baruch’s STARR career center to weigh in as well.

“Add a supplement section that is relative to [the employer] and add character through an interest column. Also, try strategically bolding information to make the important facts on your resume standout," she said. Believe it or not resumes that are well put together are not as common as you might think. A strategic resume will get you in the door and your experience will carry you through the interview. You got this! Good luck!

E. Daar

While I do think that who you know is more important than what you know, having expertise or heavy knowledge on a particular subject will allow you to take full advantage of your interaction with a contact that can lead to an internship. Personally, all of the experience I’ve gained in the past years has been the result of a chance connection that led to an interesting internship. I recommend you ask yourself how you can provide value to an organization or company, then attend as many networking sessions or employer events as possible to reflect your value onto possible recruiters. Consider what you’re good at and what you enjoy, then figure out how to show the world that you’re good at it. Maybe start a project of your own! Develop your online presence and personal brand as much as possible so you’re not scrambling when an opportunity does come your way.


J. Tineo


Dear Double Take:

I know I need some form of counseling because my mental health has been poor lately, but I’m too afraid to go to the counseling center.

Volume 115, Issue 2

Spring 2019

First and foremost, thank you for reaching out. Being honest with yourself is the most important thing here and it is definitely a step in the right direction regarding your mental health. Now regarding your question, I highly recommend grabbing a friend you trust and having them come with you to the counseling center. Accountability is everything. Sometimes it is just easier to do things when we know someone else is counting on us. Alternatively, the counseling center is not your only option. Your insurance can help you find affordable care that may be less daunting. Plus, we’re living in the future! There are therapy apps that employ licensed professionals to talk with you via a messenger system. Regardless of what you choose to do, always keep in mind that you deserve to be mentally healthy. You can do this.

E. Daar

It can be extremely difficult for us to open up to others about issues we’re facing, especially when those issues are ones in mental health that we can’t fully understand. Figuring ourselves out is tough, and communicating what we need help with to someone else can certainly be nerve-racking. While talking to a new person about your mental health may seem intimidating, it’s important to remember that the counselors at the counseling center are professionals trained to listen to you objectively and without any bias. Try considering why you feel afraid. If you can figure out exactly what your fears are, you can determine whether or not they are rational and how they can be addressed. Taking the first step in getting help is always the most difficult, though following through with the process is almost always worth it.


J. Tineo